Not All Fairy Tales Have Happy Endings.
May 23rd 2008 02:34
By Sarah Dunstone.
The room smelt stale, the walls looked like they hadn’t seen the sun for years but this was the place Robyn had lived for the last twenty years of her life. Suffering from depression for the last fifteen years, this house was one of the only places she felt remotely okay. As we sat down to talk, the life that I see in most people’s eyes seemed non-existent in Robyn’s. It was like her eyes were there for show but if you dared to look into them you would get forever lost in the darkness they held.
“For the last fifteen years or so I have seen the world for what it really is. There is no use going outside, nothing ever happens that will make a difference to me anyway, so it’s not worth the effort,” commented Robyn, the emptiness of her soul was already showing through her words. The woman in front of me had a damaged life, which was not hard to see. All those years ago something had happened to make Robyn block out all the happiness in this world, to make her live without the things that make us get up out of bed everyday. What made Robyn like this? “I can’t even remember now, how sad is that? School was hard, I was average at it but the pressure to be someone was so enormous. No one ever took notice; no one ever asked if I was ok, I had to do get through life by myself. I was alone in the world and no matter what I did it, was always going to be that way.”
Dealing with this pain year after year you would think at some point it would overcome you. How could anyone put themselves through so much torment and live to see another day? I could see the years of hurt that Robyn held inside through the lines on her face, age had not been kind to her, but she was still here, right now, right in front of me. “I have struggled so much. Some days I wish that I didn’t wake up, just died in my sleep, and then I wouldn’t have to worry about the morning. I’m not a miracle. It’s not like I’ve made it all these years and not considered doing something to myself. Truth is something has always managed to stop me. Post Officer saw me on the floor and called an ambulance or someone called the house just to talk, stuff like that. If there was any chance I could be interrupted then the plan wouldn’t go ahead.”
To hear anyone talking like this is hard, it hits nerves that bring you into the place they’ve been hiding, This is a rare thing to happen while interviewing someone, we make a point not to get emotionally involved but something about Robyn’s story had made me forget that, she brought her sadness into my heart, sadness I have never felt before. I could feel the tears welling up inside me as Robyn went through the history that was her life. “I’ve gone from obese to anorexic so many times I’ve lost count. I go through dramatic mood swings that can happen anytime. I’ve tried to escape from this by overdosing at least three times. All major organs have broken down at once, but I’m still here. I have suffered from numerous health problems including pancreatitis.” Pain that had never seen the light was coming out. Slightly shaking, choking back the tears herself, she finished. “I lost everything, not just my health, my family too, my husband and two beautiful daughters. All the years they put up with my ups and downs, the number of times they found me unconscious on the floor and I was never there for big occasions like their graduation. How I could I blame them for leave?”
With depression it is not uncommon for the person suffering to also suffer major health problems, for they have not only let go of their emotional self but their wellbeing too. In some cases health problems are caused by a failed suicidal attempt, a damaged kidney or liver is common in these situations.
I stopped to comfort Robyn, the fragile, pain ridden woman that sat in front of me, was broken down by what can’t be changed. As she calmed herself, eyes still the colour of crimson from the water fall that had just escaped from them, words of wisdom started to spill out. “Never, let anyone go through something like this alone. It’s not worth it. The pain I used to feel everyday at school has only worsened, for now I have not only got the pressures of life but I’ve also lost everyone that I loved.”
This is why we should start to recognise depression in today’s society. There are thousands of teenagers who go through exactly what Robyn has and have no one there to help. Getting people to talk about depression will help people realise that it’s not something to be ashamed about, we aren’t going to shun you or discriminate you because of it, and it’s ok to say you’re not fine. There are many organisations that can help not only teenagers but anyone who is suffering depression. Some of these are; Beyond Blue, Depression Australia, Aged Care Australia, Mensline Australia and The Blue Hat Project. All of these organisations have help lines, group meetings and information for anyone who is going through depression or knows of someone who is. The Blue Hat Project is a group run for teenagers to get them talking about what is troubling them, this is what’s needed, people talking, getting out their hurt, healing.
I had only been with Robyn for half an hour but in this time she had taught me how important life was, to live every moment as if it was your last. Nothing is ever as hard as it seems, if something is bothering you talk about it because if you don’t it will only get worse. At that point I said my goodbyes and as I walked out the horrible realisation that this could be the last time anyone ever see Robyn alive again took me by shock. This lady had held on all these years and finally had the chance to talk to someone, so what would happen now? Would the hurt I saw in her be allowed to leave? Or would it take her down with it for the last time? Only time would tell.
The room smelt stale, the walls looked like they hadn’t seen the sun for years but this was the place Robyn had lived for the last twenty years of her life. Suffering from depression for the last fifteen years, this house was one of the only places she felt remotely okay. As we sat down to talk, the life that I see in most people’s eyes seemed non-existent in Robyn’s. It was like her eyes were there for show but if you dared to look into them you would get forever lost in the darkness they held.
“For the last fifteen years or so I have seen the world for what it really is. There is no use going outside, nothing ever happens that will make a difference to me anyway, so it’s not worth the effort,” commented Robyn, the emptiness of her soul was already showing through her words. The woman in front of me had a damaged life, which was not hard to see. All those years ago something had happened to make Robyn block out all the happiness in this world, to make her live without the things that make us get up out of bed everyday. What made Robyn like this? “I can’t even remember now, how sad is that? School was hard, I was average at it but the pressure to be someone was so enormous. No one ever took notice; no one ever asked if I was ok, I had to do get through life by myself. I was alone in the world and no matter what I did it, was always going to be that way.”
Dealing with this pain year after year you would think at some point it would overcome you. How could anyone put themselves through so much torment and live to see another day? I could see the years of hurt that Robyn held inside through the lines on her face, age had not been kind to her, but she was still here, right now, right in front of me. “I have struggled so much. Some days I wish that I didn’t wake up, just died in my sleep, and then I wouldn’t have to worry about the morning. I’m not a miracle. It’s not like I’ve made it all these years and not considered doing something to myself. Truth is something has always managed to stop me. Post Officer saw me on the floor and called an ambulance or someone called the house just to talk, stuff like that. If there was any chance I could be interrupted then the plan wouldn’t go ahead.”
To hear anyone talking like this is hard, it hits nerves that bring you into the place they’ve been hiding, This is a rare thing to happen while interviewing someone, we make a point not to get emotionally involved but something about Robyn’s story had made me forget that, she brought her sadness into my heart, sadness I have never felt before. I could feel the tears welling up inside me as Robyn went through the history that was her life. “I’ve gone from obese to anorexic so many times I’ve lost count. I go through dramatic mood swings that can happen anytime. I’ve tried to escape from this by overdosing at least three times. All major organs have broken down at once, but I’m still here. I have suffered from numerous health problems including pancreatitis.” Pain that had never seen the light was coming out. Slightly shaking, choking back the tears herself, she finished. “I lost everything, not just my health, my family too, my husband and two beautiful daughters. All the years they put up with my ups and downs, the number of times they found me unconscious on the floor and I was never there for big occasions like their graduation. How I could I blame them for leave?”
With depression it is not uncommon for the person suffering to also suffer major health problems, for they have not only let go of their emotional self but their wellbeing too. In some cases health problems are caused by a failed suicidal attempt, a damaged kidney or liver is common in these situations.
I stopped to comfort Robyn, the fragile, pain ridden woman that sat in front of me, was broken down by what can’t be changed. As she calmed herself, eyes still the colour of crimson from the water fall that had just escaped from them, words of wisdom started to spill out. “Never, let anyone go through something like this alone. It’s not worth it. The pain I used to feel everyday at school has only worsened, for now I have not only got the pressures of life but I’ve also lost everyone that I loved.”
This is why we should start to recognise depression in today’s society. There are thousands of teenagers who go through exactly what Robyn has and have no one there to help. Getting people to talk about depression will help people realise that it’s not something to be ashamed about, we aren’t going to shun you or discriminate you because of it, and it’s ok to say you’re not fine. There are many organisations that can help not only teenagers but anyone who is suffering depression. Some of these are; Beyond Blue, Depression Australia, Aged Care Australia, Mensline Australia and The Blue Hat Project. All of these organisations have help lines, group meetings and information for anyone who is going through depression or knows of someone who is. The Blue Hat Project is a group run for teenagers to get them talking about what is troubling them, this is what’s needed, people talking, getting out their hurt, healing.
I had only been with Robyn for half an hour but in this time she had taught me how important life was, to live every moment as if it was your last. Nothing is ever as hard as it seems, if something is bothering you talk about it because if you don’t it will only get worse. At that point I said my goodbyes and as I walked out the horrible realisation that this could be the last time anyone ever see Robyn alive again took me by shock. This lady had held on all these years and finally had the chance to talk to someone, so what would happen now? Would the hurt I saw in her be allowed to leave? Or would it take her down with it for the last time? Only time would tell.
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Comment by the marker
this one was actually quite good, it was very interesting to reas this story
try to make it a bit shorter next time